Arrange Marriage or Love Marriage?
Actually Love marriage is much better because chemistry and understanding are established beforehand. This helps in relationship building way before anything is final. Kinda gives a feeling of belongingness.
Arrange marriage is a long and hectic process. Here, the family comes parents first. Marriage is not between just the bride and groom, it is a marriage between two families.
Arranged marriage There is always a feeling of relaxation. A cushion of approval. The saying of — “Sabse bada rog, kya kahenge log” falls invalid here. And since so-called, “societal norms” are followed, nobody judges. This also gives a sense of security that one can fall back to his/her clan in case of any abnormality in the relationship. And at the same time insecurity of being pushed into a false dowry/domestic violence case. Also, many a time people tend to hide their love affairs for the sake of money involved in the whole process.
Love marriage usually is not supported by parents. Spoils everything because the family or groom or even the groom doesn’t satisfy the monetary standards expected, Caste, color, height, property in the name of the groom, etc.
Arrange marriage is mostly based on the fact of obtaining a dowry and getting a man who earns at least 2 3 times of the girls earning and having a well-settled family and the filter criteria go on. It's not making new bonds and relationship anymore, its a pure total business. Exchange of Face and Money. Both in urban and rural environments though in different forms.
Love Marriage has no such pressure. Since it is based on only one feeling- love!
Post marriage management-
A couple in love marriage is generally on its own. If some misunderstanding happens between them and heat grows on, people refrain to come forward to help and negotiate. It somehow violates societal norms. Inter Caste marriage is a disaster, especially in India. This actually leads to a lot of relationship wreckage.
Extramarital affairs have come out to be a lot common in both the spouses and people leaning in to reap monetary benefits. But everyone supports the Bride and Groom. If your marriage because of some reason fails or something happens to your spouse, you can always turn back to your own people.
Arrange marriage- All new. New experiences with new people with a spark. Human nature is, it enjoys new things. The feeling of newness. Fondness for novelty is the favorite spice for people.
Love marriage- Already experienced. Gives a cushion of comfort for surprises at the same time it holds on in case of any insecurity is observed. You already know the strengths and weaknesses of your partner. That helps you live your life smoothly.
Arranged marriage is the reason why there is so much domestic violence. Ill grown and badly nurtured men abuse women in the name of marriage. Also, Not just the women suffer, men, suffer too. Varying from physical or mental abuse to financial exploitation. And then none of the Indian laws qualifies for the rights of a man in a marriage. Irrespective of the cause of divorce, financial status of women, Alimony has to born by the ex-husband at all costs.
What has love ever got us anyway? Love before marriage has majorly led to failure clear from the divorce rates of love marriage based societies as of those of USA, UK, China, etc. All have mostly led to war, either literally or war/battles inside the head.
Let’s do one thing. This is an ongoing debate and I’m sure it will lead us nowhere. Let’s look into what Sanatan has to say about Marriage!
There are 8 types of marriages defined in Sanatan. First one being-
1. Brahma Vivah
After the student bachelor has completed his gurukulavasa, his parents approach the parents of a girl belonging to a good family and ask them to give away their daughter in marriage to their son — to make a gift of their daughter (kanyadana) to him. A marriage arranged like this is Brahma. In it, this girl’s family does not give any dowry or jewelry to the boy’s family. There is no “commercial transaction” and the goal of a Brahma marriage is the dharmic advancement of two families. Of the eight forms of marriage, the Shastras regards this as the best. When the parents of the boy seek a female, they would consider her family background, try to explore about the character of the boy and his family basically and their knowledge with respect to Sanatan values, but the girl’s father would make sure that the boy that wishes to wed his daughter has knowledge of Vedas and. It is these things that make the basis for Brahma marriage, not a system of dowry.
2. Daiva vivah
The type of marriage that is considered inferior because it is degrading to womanhood. This is where the woman’s family will wait for a specific time to get her wed. If she doesn’t get a suitable groom, then she would be married off to places where family choose by matchmaking through a priest who duly officiates at a religious ceremony, during the course of its performance. This used to be the practice followed by many Royals in ancient times to forge diplomatic ties with allies and enemies alike. It is the practice that is followed today in the name of arranging marriages.
The third form, “arsa” suggests that it is concerned with the rsis, sages. It seems the marriage of Sukanya to Cyavana Maharsi was of this type. But from the dharmasastras, we learn that in arsa the bride is given in exchange for two cows received from the groom. If the term is taken to mean “giving away a girl in marriage to a rsi”, we must take it that the girl is married off to an old sage because the parents could not celebrate her marriage according to the Brahma rite at the right time. The fact that cows are taken in exchange for the bride shows that the groom does not possess any remarkable qualities.
Unlike in Brahma marriage, Prajapatya matrimony is where the bride’s father goes in search of a groom, although this isn’t considered as good as the groom's parents searching for the perfect bride. Again this is one of the practices followed in today’s arranged marriages. Also, unlike Arsha any transactions are not a part of the Prajapatya marriage.
In the asura type, the groom is in no way a match for the girl, but her father or her relatives receive a good deal of money from the man who forces them to marry her to him. In arsa in which cows are given in exchange for the bride, there is no compulsion. Nor is the groom wealthy or powerful like his counterpart in the asura type. Many rich men must have taken a second wife according to the asura type of marriage. Again prominent in today’s arranged marriages.
The next is Gandharva. The very mention of it calls to mind Sakuntala and Dusyanta. The Gandharva type is the “love marriage” that has such enthusiastic support these days. This is where a groom and his bride will wed without their parents’ knowledge. However, it is not correctly considered as a type of marriage because it does not have the consent of the parents. This marriage is not considered very good as the grounds of marriage are not really character or knowledge but rather a lust. Note that this is not the same as Dating. Here the bride and the groom exchange vows in the presence of some person, creature, tree, plant, or deity before any further action. It hence can count for Today’s Love marriages.
In the raksasa form the groom battles with the girl’s family overcome them and carry her away. It was in this manner that Krishna Paramatman married Rukmini. However, this was necessary because the girl’s love was in Krishna’s side. If the Rukmini was married to the Shishupal(original Groom to be). The marriage would have been converted to Pishacha. A hellish environment for Bride. Again one of the practices followed in Love marriages today.
The eighth and last is paisaca. In paisaca the girl’s wish does not count, nor is any money or material given to her parents. She is seized against her wishes and her family antagonized .his is condemned in the Manusmriti as a base and sinful act. In modern times the practice is followed in countries like Pakistan where they kidnap girls to marry and convert to Islam. In democratic countries like India, the USA, UK this is a crime and more generally known with a heinous act of Rape. In India Rape is a punishable offense under the Criminal Law(Amendment) Act 2013, Sexual offense act, 2003, IPC Section 375, 376 with punishment up to 7 years.
Marriage has been a form of business and now it is even more prominent. What was intended by Matrimonial websites has taken a form of business? Anyway, what is right and what is wrong is for you to decide now.
Find the whole truth in this video- https://youtu.be/NUQeWshsRNM